Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Fifty Shades of Crazy

If you have not had the pleasure of your parent's growing old, you will not appreciate this post.  I am a loving daughter who comes from a family with a sense of humor.  Humor is what helps you cope with the situations you can not control in life.  As I write this, Mom is under observation at the hospital.
Let me give you the back story on my parents.  My Mom and Dad (maybe I should refer to them as Betty and Rob to protect their identities) have been married for 48 years.  Betty's health has declined over the past couple of years due to TIA's "mini-strokes" and a stroke she suffered one year ago.  The strokes have fortunately left Betty with speech and mobility intact, but she has issues with short term memory.  Betty has always been the one to take care of everything, but roles have now shifted.  Rob is a kind and loving man.  Rob has a part-time retirement job driving a hearst for a local funeral home.  Yes, it is a strange job, but Rob enjoys it.  Now the story begins. 

Mom decides to take a bath in her Jacuzzi tub and when she has finished bathing is unable to step out of the tub.  Dad tries to help her out of the tub, but is unsuccessful.  Mom is unable to move her legs and pull herself out of the tub.  A call is placed to 911 and paramedics and firemen arrive to extracate Mom from the tub.  (It is OK to laugh.)  Mom laughed in the emergency room as she told me about the sleeve the rescue personnel used to remove her from the tub. Mom said it reminded her of the slings they use to rescue sick whales or dolphins. 
( I know this is what you are picturing in your mind.) 

After taking Mom's vital signs, the paramedics determined that she was suffering from dehydration and low oxygen levels and trasnported her to the emergency room for further evaluation.  While Mom is receiving the standard battery of tests, Dad becomes anxious and impatient.  Dad claims that the male nurse on duty told him that there is really nothing for Dad to do but wait, so it is OK to leave. I am sure the nurse meant go home and sleep, since it was almost 6:00 AM and he had been sitting in the emergency room since 2:00 AM.  Dad interpreted this to mean go home, call your daughters and go to work.  Did I mention all of this is taking place on my Mom's birthday? Yes, my Father chose to lead a funeral procession rather than sit at his wife's bedside in the emergency room on her birthday.  The craziest part of the story is that my parents requested that my mother be transported to a hospital where neither one of her physicians has privleges.

Yes, these are my parents. Fifty Shades of Crazy and I still love them. I am hoping the hospital is running a "Buy One Get One" promotion on MRI's, because Mom and Dad could both use one. If the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree, my daughters are in for a wild ride with me.

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